Ugly Renaissance Babies

The Kids Aren't Alright
Peter Paul Rubens, Juno and Argus (detail)

DAT ASS.

Peter Paul Rubens, Juno and Argus (detail)


DAT ASS.

Titian, Portrait of Clarissa Strozzi
Karma whoring, Renaissance style. This was all over r/aww, circa 1500

Titian, Portrait of Clarissa Strozzi

Karma whoring, Renaissance style. This was all over r/aww, circa 1500

Nicolas Poussin, Bacchanal of Putti

This is a seriously kinky baby orgy.

Nicolas Poussin, Bacchanal of Putti

This is a seriously kinky baby orgy.

Orazio Gentileschi, Finding of Moses
Girl, please, just take a look at that. Believe me, Moses is going to be parting more than the Red Sea with that staff.

Orazio Gentileschi, Finding of Moses

Girl, please, just take a look at that. Believe me, Moses is going to be parting more than the Red Sea with that staff.

Cornelis van Haarlem, The Gayest Painting of All Time

Sean Penn is definitely NOT happy about all these strategically placed insects.

Cornelis van Haarlem, The Gayest Painting of All Time

Sean Penn is definitely NOT happy about all these strategically placed insects.

Rachel’s lament? That a baby bed is a way better idea in theory than in practice. SO LUMPY.

Rachel’s lament? That a baby bed is a way better idea in theory than in practice. SO LUMPY.

Orazio Gentileschi, Danaë
Making it rain was a lot less fun before the advent of paper money.
It also got you pregnant.

Orazio Gentileschi, Danaë

Making it rain was a lot less fun before the advent of paper money.

It also got you pregnant.

Unknown Artist, Laughing Child

Drunk baby is drunk.

Unknown Artist, Laughing Child

Drunk baby is drunk.

Rembrandt, Abduction of Ganymede

Yup, that baby is definitely pissing himself with fear. Now that’s the kinda attention to disgusting, disturbing detail that truly made Rembrandt a master.

Rembrandt, Abduction of Ganymede

Yup, that baby is definitely pissing himself with fear. Now that’s the kinda attention to disgusting, disturbing detail that truly made Rembrandt a master.