October 2011
28 posts
2 tags
I (female) have a pain disorder that can make sexual intercourse painful or impossible. My college boyfriend’s roommate incidentally learns about this in a conversation with my then-boyfriend and me. I don’t mind, because I figure he can handle the knowledge maturely. Instead, he immediately says, “Wow. I’m sorry, [boyfriend’s name]!” Made me cry.
2 tags
“Well, you can’t reasonably expect health care providers to know anything...”
– This was the response I got from a cissexual in-law after I disclosed my recent experience with an emergency room psych nurse whose idea of appropriate treatment for a potential overdose consisted of telling me that my decision to treat my transsexuality in accordance with recognized medical...
2 tags
At a DSW in Miami with my mom and grandmother an older white lady cut in front of my mom in a very small aisle. When my mom said “excuse me,” the older white lady told my mother to “go back to your country.” My family is Colombian. I deal with this crap all the time. Makes me feel defensive, angry.
3 tags
I had to apply for a parking pass as a dual city resident, and the older male clerk told me I didn’t qualify. When pressed the issue and explained that I had spoken to someone about the pass and presented my documentation, I received the pass. The clerk acted like he was doing me a huge favor and told me I didn’t qualify, but he’d give it to me anyway “to be nice.” He...
2 tags
My history teacher gave the class a bonus question asking who the owner of the Atlanta Falcons NFL team was (The school is located near Atlanta). After a few people in the class complained that it wasn’t a fair question, my teacher replies “Okay, okay, would you like for me to create a girl’s bonus question?” I am a 17 year old girl and am a sports fanatic. I probably know...
2 tags
“I’d like two tickets to the next show and a smile, Caitlin.”
– Moviegoer at the theater where I had to wear a name tag. I was in a bad mood and told him I wasn’t paid enough to smile for him. Then I crossed my eyes and blew a raspberry so he would take it as a joke. Made me frustrated that, because I was working, I had to play nice. Startled that he...
2 tags
I informed some of my friends that I get extended time on a high school final because of a mild learning disability that I have struggled with for my entire life. They proceeded to tell me that I am “lucky” for having extended time, that they are “jealous” that they do not also get it or that it’s “not fair” that I have that privilege when most students...
4 tags
Living with your parents always presents a raft of problems, which is not made easier when you’re transgendered. For example, their refusal to use your (now legal) name or (now legal) sex when talking to or about you. Despite the fact both have been changed for years.
Thanks for helping with my depression, anxiety, and insecurity! Nice to know I’m supported in the way that least...
2 tags
In high school we need to take a practical art to graduate. I decided to take woodworking to fulfill my requirement. When I went to the counselor’s office to get my schedule approved he kept trying to change my mind and starts recommending other classes instead of woodworking. He recommended ‘Childcare and Development’, ‘Cooking’, and finally, ‘Basic Automotive...
3 tags
Watching the pilot of “The Next Food Network Star,” a young chef who happens to have a Mexican heritage cooks French food. The judges advise her that she should cook Mexican food instead. LIKE HER NATIONALITY IS ALL SHE HAS TO OFFER. Made me feel like I will never be more than what you see.
3 tags
I bring up how masculinity/femininity are culturally specific and white masc/femme notions are talked about as universal. I use an example about how in western contexts, Asian men are considered more effeminate/emasculated, and how that’s used as a means to further racism.
White person #1 responds: I love Asians, Asians are hot! White person #2: Yeah, if it weren’t for Asians, there...
3 tags
Any and every time someone mentions that you can’t have children unless you’re fertile, cisgendered, and in a heterosexual relationship.
I’m adopted.
2 tags
Male coworker: What are you majoring in?
Me (queer woman): Women studies
Male coworker: Oh, I took some women studies courses in college.
Our male employer: HAH! Oh, I BET you did. (nudging my coworker and winking)
My first day job training as a summer camp art director. Age 21 in Washington. Made me intensely conscious of my body and gender presentation. Treated as inferior. Some parts of my identity don't even exist. I am enraged.
2 tags
“Oh, but you’re Latin, so you must love the heat!”
– While discussing the summer weather. I’m from Bogotá - the average temperature is 60°F. I feel like nobody in the States bothers to understand that Latin@s are not just one monolithic entity.
2 tags
White Guy: So where are you from?
Me: Fremont.
Guy: No, where are you really from?
Me: Fremont, I was born at Washington Hospital.
Guy: No, I meant where are you actually from, like where are your parents from?
Me: They're from Punjab. It's a province in Northern India.
Guy: Oh, you don't look it, I know plenty of Indians, they all speak about ten different languages at home, was it hard for you to learn English?
Me: I can't remember, I was born here, I don't recall any difficulty.
Guy: Did you come with Sunil?
Me: No, I came with my friend Matthew.
Guy: Would you like to meet him?
I am 24, at a Memorial Day barbeque at a friend's place. Made me feel exotified, marginilized, angry, sad, annoyed.
2 tags
I worked as a data entry clerk which required me to type. I type one-handed because I’m hemiplegic.
A coworker broke her arm and was on sick leave for several weeks. When she returned, she was only doing non-computer related tasks. One day she cornered me in the bathroom and told me how sorry she was for me. She couldn’t imagine what it must be like for me, since she knew she was...
3 tags
A man at a party recently asked me if I carry my cane for fashion purposes, then grilled me about my medical condition after I said no. I’m a 27 year old woman with a neurological condition that causes pain in my legs, and my cane is the aluminum/rubber sort one would find at a pharmacy. Made me feel confused, humiliated, misunderstood.
2 tags
Daughter (age 12): I like these shirts.
Mom: What are these, are they men's, or women's?
Daughter: It doesn't matter.
Mother (with a frown on her face): Yes it does.
At Old Navy. Made me feel angry that the binary system is still so enforced.
2 tags
“All my Asian friends are here! Wait, where’s L? She should be here too.” Said by my friend, who is white and ignores the fact that L and I have no common interests. But yes, we are both Asian. When I bring this up, she implies I take myself too seriously. Makes me feel like a collectible.
3 tags
“Go home.”
– I may not be white, but my home is still only a few blocks away. Not across an ocean/border, thanks.
2 tags
“Yeah, well, medical school and being a doctor can be really hard for women. ...”
– A neighbor upon hearing my plans for after graduation. He assumed that I wanted to have children and that I wouldn’t be able to handle kids and a career as a woman. Made me feel invalidated, incapable and forced to meet expectations I don’t want.
2 tags
“You’re the most aggressive student I’ve taught in thirty...”
– White Ivy League professor to me, when I came to talk about an essay. In class, he smiled when white male students said “No,” or “I don’t buy that.” You can probably guess what happened to my final grade. I am Asian American.
3 tags
“Me love you long time.”
– A white man who felt compelled to say this while walking past me and my sister today in Marina Del Rey. That’s racist! I couldn’t believe what he had said at first. I still feel incredulous, but now also angry, frustrated, and upset that we appear so worthless in someone’s eyes...
2 tags
2 tags
“You can’t be smurfette, you’re black.”
– A white friend said this to me when we were discussing Halloween costumes. I’m a black female. She implied that you had to be white in order to be smurfette despite the fact that smurfette is blue. It made me feel angry. It was as if she was saying when you have dark skinned your limited in...
3 tags
My grandfather does not speak very good English, and lived in China for most of his life. I however, am half Polish. He was keeping me company in the store where I work, when a Caucasian lady came in. After trying to talk to him multiple times, she grabbed her items and I rang them up for her. As she left, she commented on my “great English.” I was born and raised in the United States....
2 tags
“She’s too sensitive. Why should she get upset at me for calling her what...”
– A friend about referring to me as a tranny. Made me feel awful. Like calling me slurs is okay because I’m trans and that I’m overreacting for being hurt by it.
2 tags
“Is there any way to make it so that ebonics shows up under the Google Translate...”
– (via clientsfromhell)
2 tags
“I like that you’re bi because it means you’d be open to a threesome.”
– My ex boyfriend when we started dating.
4 tags
My grandma: [My name] needs to lose weight! That's why she's never had a date.
My mom: Or maybe she goes on dates with girls and doesn't want to tell you about it.
My grandma: Haha! That's a good one.
Made me feel fat-shamed, prude-shamed and queer-shamed all at once. Like my body and my love life are open to discussion and my sexuality is a joke.
September 2011
182 posts
2 tags
When I was little, my aunts always gave me Barbies even though they knew I disliked dolls. Now they give me make-up and chick lit hoping that I’ll “grow up” and stop being a “tomboy.” I am a 24-year-old woman. It makes me feel frustrated, as if the only important thing about me is my gender, not my personality.
3 tags
“Maybe you’re just not really a lesbian.”
– My sister, when I told her about a bad experience I had with a girl. I’m a 20-year-old woman from the UK. Made me feel invalidated, doubtful, ashamed.
3 tags
Hey Fellow, [blah blah blah] Take care, Sir!
The salutation and closing of an email I got in response to a craigslist ad in the Musical Instruments section. I had posted a want to buy ad that said “I am in a touring band and need a new gigbag for my bass.”
Apparently only men can be in touring bands and play bass. I am a 23 year old (trans) woman using the internet, totally anonymous...
2 tags
In Sephora I asked a woman to help me find a nude shade of lipstick for myself. She brought a pale beige color and the other resembling a white person’s skin. When i asked her that I wanted one that match my own skin tone, she exclaimed “Oh you should have just said you wanted a natural lip color!”
I am half African American and half Native American with a milkybrown color. Nude...
3 tags
“25 job applications done. 0 responses. being a white male in the 21st century...”
– Facebook status. I am glad to see that the first comment “excuse me?” got five likes.
2 tags
“I have to admit I am relieved you’re not taking it all the way to becoming...”
– My mother, when I came out to her as genderqueer. Made me feel pigeonholed… especially since my identity has been tending more towards female over time.
2 tags
“You look pretty today. What a pretty smile you have. Awww, and it looks like you have some work to do.” A fellow customer, a man in his 50s, at the hardware store, on looking at me and then in my cart. He proceeded to ask me about my “project” and whether or not I had anyone to help me with it.
I hate shopping at the hardware store. If I’m there with my husband,...
2 tags
“A WOMAN ON A MOTORCYCLE?!! HAHAHAHAHA!”
– Shouted out to me by a male passerby as I was pumping gas into my Ninja. I just laughed at him. People that are that ignorant aren’t worth my anger or humiliation.
3 tags
I am of both European and Middle Eastern descent. If I don’t look “too Arab,” then I get to be Caucasian/white. My partner says things like “Your people aren’t white!” and “You’re so olive.” Being considered not white is a non-issue for me, but his racial attitudes (even if he’s joking) make me “other,” as if whiteness is the...
3 tags
I’m taking a film photography course at my college. In the dark room while developing film, these two other girls were in there as well. One girl turns to the other and says, “you look dark in this photo!” The other girl responds with, “Oh? Am I fabulously tan or hood dark?”
I’m a 22 year old, brown skinned African American girl. In school in Maryland. I felt...
2 tags
Boy, age 7, white: Don't go to Africa, there are blacks killing each other everywhere!
Girl, age 7: I'm black!
Boy: That's ok, you're a good black.
2 tags
Discussion: (RE)DEFINING MICROAGGRESSIONS
While we’ve defined “microaggressions” in our About and FAQ, it’s sometimes difficult to categorize every submission we receive. We sometimes slip up on our own definitions and work constantly to improve our editing.
We’ve posted a wide range of submissions, about different identities and situations, and are often met with support and critique. We want to open up...
2 tags
My grandfather forwards me an email called “Classes for Women Taught By Men” and I’m foolish enough to open it. It features gems such as :
Up in Winter, Down in Summer -How to Adjust a Thermostat Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
Which Takes More Energy - Putting the Toilet Seat Down, or Bitching About It for 3 Hours?
How to Ask Questions During Commercials and Be...
2 tags
public boolean isGirlCute(){ if(isComputerScienceGirl()){ return false; } … }
I see waaaay too many jokes like this on Facebook about the lack of “attractive computer science girls.” I am a female computer science major (in a small private university), and I initially wanted to try to join this group of friends, who are some of the best CS students in the school. Makes me...
3 tags
“Oh, you’re not like our other Indian colleague. You’re light skinned, you’re...”
– Chinese-Singaporean colleague of Han descent. At work in a school in Singapore. Made me feel shocked. Nauseous.
3 tags
“You’re really un-intimidating for a black guy.”
– Said by white male. I am a freshman in college. Made me feel as though I should be intimidating because I’m black.
2 tags
I’m the only woman in the engineering department at a U.S. manufacturing facility. I walk into a meeting after repairing a machine in our grimy production lines. My clothes are filthy. I have black grease on my hands and arms and (as it turns out) a little on my face.
My boss: Hey, you’ve got some mascara on your cheek.
Last week, eastern U.S. Made me feel like I’m not taken...
3 tags
“You’re pretty for a Tamil girl.”
3 tags
“Immigration!”
– A police officer as he enters a restaurant with mostly non-white employees. Followed by laughter from our (white) manager.
2 tags
“Oh my god! Wow. Just. Wow! That’s really unbelivable, I never would have...”
– A cisgendered gay man after finding out that I - also a gay man - am trans. Makes me feel frustrated, scrutinized and invisable, like my maleness is contingent on my ability to “pass.” Made me feel like “The deceptive trans person.”