Customer: “I’m canceling my credit card. You stupid idiots sent a statement to the wrong house!”

Me: “I do apologize if we sent your statement to the wrong address, but if you’d like, we can correct the address on file so that you can get your statements. What address would you like to receive them at?”

Customer: “No, you don’t get it. I am CANCELING! This was supposed to be a joint account with my boyfriend, but you f***ing idiots sent the statement to my boyfriend’s house because that was the address he signed up with. It’s your fault that his WIFE found it!”

(I work at a game store that sells board games, card games, RPGs, and puzzles. We sometimes get unknowing customers who want video games or handheld electronic games.)

Customer: “Hi, I was wondering if you have any of those Pac-Man games that you plug into the TV?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, we don’t carry any electronic games here.”

Customer: “What do you mean? I’m just looking for the Pac-Man game. It doesn’t need electricity.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but what you are looking for is indeed electronic. We don’t carry those kinds of games here.”

Customer: “I still don’t understand what you are saying. It’s just a Pac-Man game!” *walks away*

(I’m a customer at the checkout stand of a grocery store. I overhear the following conversation between a manager and an employee.)

Manager: “We’re giving you a raise, from $7.25 to $8.25.”

Employee: “Since when is what I do suddenly worth a dollar an hour more?!”

Manager: “Since you’ve been here 3 years, you’ve never taken a sick day, never taken vacation, and never been late. Heck, you haven’t even taken a holiday off!”

Employee: “Your point? That’s expected of me. Required of me. I don’t know why that’s worth that much more.”

Manager: “So…you don’t want the money. I don’t understand.”

Employee: “No. I don’t think it’s right. I’ve been doing the same thing, 40 hours a week, every week.”

Manager: “What about a promotion? Assistant Manager?”

Employee: “Why? I’m perfectly happy here where I am at.”

(The manager stands there, completely shocked and in total disbelief.)

Employee: “Seriously…” *randomly points at another employee* “…I’d give it to him. ”

Manager: “Alright.”

(The manager calls the other employee in, gives him the promotion and the raise. The other employee hasn’t been there 8 months, but of course promptly accepts and is dismissed by the manager.)

Employee: “May I get back to sweeping now?”

Manager: “Yeah. Sure, whatever…”

(At the sandwich shop I work at, pretty much all the meat is cold and we only heat it at the customer’s request. I am working the first position on the sandwich line, greeting people, and starting their sandwiches for them. An older customer comes up to the line.)

Me: “Hi there, welcome to [store name]. What can I get you today?”

Customer: “I’d like a sandwich, please.”

Me: “Sure! What would you like in it?”

Customer: “Cold meat.”

Me: “Ma’am, all the meat is cold. What meat would you like?”

Customer: “Cold meat. I already said that!”

Me: “Well, what type? We have ham, chicken, beef, turkey—”

Customer: “How hard is it for you to just put cold meat in my d*** sandwich? Are you new here?! They always put cold meat in my d*** sandwich! For f***’s sake, just put cold meat in my sandwich!”

Me: *speechless* “Okay, how about I get you the person who regularly serves you to help you out?”

Customer: “No! F*** it! You’re useless at this!” *leaves store grumbling*

Related:
Getting To The Meat Of The Issue

(A latte is steamed milk with espresso. Without espresso, it’s just a cup of milk. Our small lattes have two shots of espresso.)

Customer: “I’d like a small latte with a shot of espresso.”

Me: “A single-shot latte?”

Customer: “Yes.”

(My coworker makes the latte and gives it to the man.)

Customer: “Is there a shot of espresso in here?”

Coworker: “Yes, did you want it on the side?”

Customer: “No, I wanted a latte with espresso in it.”

Me: “But you just wanted the one shot, right?”

Customer: “No, I wanted a regular latte with a shot of espresso.”

(I begin thinking maybe he actually wanted a latte with an extra shot to bring the total number of shots to three.)

Me: “So did you want an extra shot on top of the two included shots? Three shots?”

Customer: “Oh no, two is fine.”

(The customer leaves.)

Me: “I still have no idea what he wanted.”

Coworker: “Me either!”

Related:
Has A Problem Espresso-ing Themself, Part 2
Has A Problem Espresso-ing Herself

(I wait tables at a sushi place. I’m currently serving two male customers.)

Customer #1: *to customer #2* “Look at her eyes. Just look at them!”

Customer #2: *to me* “Can I get a lunch combo?”

Me: “Of course.”

Customer #1: *to customer #2* “Did you not f***ing hear me? Look at her eyes!”

Customer #2: *to customer #1* “I did. They’re beautiful!”

Customer #1: *to me* “Can I have a lunch combo? Also, I love you!”

Me: “It sounds like the fireworks are just starting. I can hear them.”

Boy: “Good, that means we can go on the big ride next door! All the dumb people will watch the fireworks when they could be riding the—”

Boy’s Mother: *chiding her son* “Now, now, they’re not ‘dumb people.’ They’re ‘suckers.’”

(I am calling back a customer who had a 6-year-old TV with a cracked screen. Unfortunately, due to its age, we can no longer get parts for it.)

Me: “Hello, we’d like to let you know that unfortunately we are unable to repair your product. The parts are discontinued.”

Customer: “So, you can’t fix it?”

Me: “Correct.”

Customer: “So you can fix it?”

Me: “No, the parts are unavailable.”

Customer: “Can you order them?”

Me: “No, the parts are discontinued.”

Customer: “You can order them somewhere else, yes?”

Me: “No, we cannot fix this unit at all.”

Customer: “Does [brand name] carry the part?”

Me: “No, they don’t.”

Customer: “Okay, so you can get it fixed, right? Test it again?”

Me: “No, we cannot fix it.”

Customer: “So it can’t be fixed?”

Me: “It cannot be fixed, ever, unfortunately.”

Customer: “Okay, I’ll call you back when it’s done!” *click*