Customer: “I’m canceling my credit card. You stupid idiots sent a statement to the wrong house!”

Me: “I do apologize if we sent your statement to the wrong address, but if you’d like, we can correct the address on file so that you can get your statements. What address would you like to receive them at?”

Customer: “No, you don’t get it. I am CANCELING! This was supposed to be a joint account with my boyfriend, but you f***ing idiots sent the statement to my boyfriend’s house because that was the address he signed up with. It’s your fault that his WIFE found it!”

(I’m a customer at the checkout stand of a grocery store. I overhear the following conversation between a manager and an employee.)

Manager: “We’re giving you a raise, from $7.25 to $8.25.”

Employee: “Since when is what I do suddenly worth a dollar an hour more?!”

Manager: “Since you’ve been here 3 years, you’ve never taken a sick day, never taken vacation, and never been late. Heck, you haven’t even taken a holiday off!”

Employee: “Your point? That’s expected of me. Required of me. I don’t know why that’s worth that much more.”

Manager: “So…you don’t want the money. I don’t understand.”

Employee: “No. I don’t think it’s right. I’ve been doing the same thing, 40 hours a week, every week.”

Manager: “What about a promotion? Assistant Manager?”

Employee: “Why? I’m perfectly happy here where I am at.”

(The manager stands there, completely shocked and in total disbelief.)

Employee: “Seriously…” *randomly points at another employee* “…I’d give it to him. ”

Manager: “Alright.”

(The manager calls the other employee in, gives him the promotion and the raise. The other employee hasn’t been there 8 months, but of course promptly accepts and is dismissed by the manager.)

Employee: “May I get back to sweeping now?”

Manager: “Yeah. Sure, whatever…”

(A customer comes over to the small cosmetic service station that I am posted at. All the while, she’s talking on her phone and sounds quite upset.)

Me: “Hello, ma’am. What can I do for you today?”

Customer: *to phone* “Sorry, got go.” *hangs up*

Me: “Ma’am—”

Customer: “SHUT UP YOU, D*** HIPSTER!”

(Note: I’m wearing prescription Ray Bans and have a eyebrow piercing.)

Me: “Uhm—”

Customer: “You heard me the first time! Not another word! You probably don’t even need those glasses!”

(Without warning, the customer rips the glasses from my face. She throws them on the ground, shattering the lenses.)

Me: “Oh my God!”

Customer: “Look! You are fine!”

(My coworker comes over to see what all the commotion is about.)

Coworker: “What is going on?”

Customer: “This b**** was trying to look like a hipster!”

Coworker: “Ma’am, she actually needed those to see. Now get out before I call security!”

Customer: “F*** you! F***ing hipsters taking over!”

(Enraged, the customer grabs a makeup display, tips it over, and starts throwing around items from a nearby shelf. Security rushes over and takes her out of the store while she screams profanities. The total damage cost is over $200 worth of products, not including my glasses.)

(I’m kind of petite, so when I’m in the box office I get a lot of kids who seem to think they can intimidate me into selling them R-rated tickets. This particular customer is a classmate of my little sister’s who annoys everyone by walking around repeating ‘I like eggs’ over and over and over again.)

Kid: “Me and my friend want to see Beerfest.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I can’t sell you the ticket.”

Kid: “Excuse me?”

Me: “You’re not 17.”

Kid: “How the h*** do you know?”

Me: “One, you don’t look it. Two, you’re in my sister’s class.”

(The kid stomps off, and goes to the other side of the box office to try the same thing. When it doesn’t work, he comes back with his father.)

Kid’s Father: “Let me get this straight. It’s a movie theater…and you can’t discriminate against customers…but you won’t let my boy into that movie because he’s too young?!”

Me: “It’s rated R, sir.”

Kid’s Father: *to his son* “You told me it was PG-13.”

Kid: “She’s lying!”

Me: “Sir, the marquee says it’s rated R. Any website you look at will say it’s rated R. There’s really no way to lie about it.”

Kid’s Father: “I guess that means I have to go with him, huh?”

Me: “Yes, sir.”

Kid’s Father: *to his son* “That’s it. You’re waiting for DVD.”

Kid: “This is so not fair! You can’t do this to me!” *to me* “Don’t you know who I am?!”

Me: *calmly* “My sister tells me you like eggs.”

Kid’s Father: *laughs hysterically* “If I could give you a high five, I would!”

(I work at a gay male bar as a bouncer. I normally escort or throw out guys due to inappropriate behavior. One day, however, the manager calls me over to throw out a woman. Afterwards, I ask the manager what happened.)

Me: “What was that about?”

Manager: “She kept on insisting to meet me to implement a suggestion for the bar.”

Me: “Oh…so why did you have me kick her out?”

Manager: “She was insistent, and got more and more agitated when I told her we’d never do that.”

Me: “And what was her suggestion?”

Manager: “She said we should have Ladies Night so that more men would come here.”

(I am one of the several female employees that work at my video game store. On this particular day, all the employees at work are female.)

Coworker #1: “Thank you for calling [game store]. This is [name]. How can I help you?”

(After a few seconds, my coworker hangs up the phone. I don’t think too much of it until the next phone call a few minutes later.)

Coworker #1: “Thank you for calling [game store]—”

(Again, my coworker hangs up.)

Me: “Why’d you hang up? Wrong number?”

Coworker #1: “No, I can hear the click when they hung up. They’ve been calling all day and hanging up without asking anything. You try next time.”

(As expected, the phone rings again and I answer.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [game store]—” *to my coworker* “Ah, they hung up!”

(This goes on for the rest of the day until later that night when I’m working with another female coworker. The phone rings, and she answers.)

Coworker #2:: “Thank you for calling [game store]. This is [name]. How can I help you?” *turns to me* “Huh, that’s odd. I think they hung up on me.”

Me: “Oh, yeah…that’s been happening all day. I wonder why…”

(After deliberating for awhile, we guess that the callers have been hanging up because we’re girls, and they want to talk to a male employee. I decide to test our theory the next time the phone rings.)

Me: *in a deep voice* “Thank you for calling [game store]. How may I help you?”

Make Caller: “Yeah, I was wondering if you had a game in stock.”

Me: “Okay, what game are you…”*unable to maintain my deep voice, I squeak the next words in my normal pitch* “…looking for?”

Male Caller: *instantly hangs up*

(Later that evening, one of our male coworkers comes in to purchase a game. Upon witnessing one of the phone calls, he asks what is going on and we explain it to him. The next time the phone rings, he answers the phone.)

Male Coworker: “Thank you for calling [game store]. How can I help you?”

(The caller tells my coworker what game he needs, but my coworker explains he can’t help him since he’s not on the clock. My male coworker hands the phone back to me.)

Me: *to the caller* “Okay, so you were looking for [game] and—” *to my male coworker* “He hung up again.”

Male Coworker: *laughing* “Seriously?! From what you’ve told me, he’s been calling to ask about one game for eight hours and he can’t stay on the line long enough to listen to you because you’re a girl!”

Related:
Cross-Platform Chromosomes

(I am a cashier at a drugstore. A man is buying about $60 worth of merchandise.)

Customer: “Can I pay $40 in cash and put the rest on my debit card?”

Me: “Sure.”

(I take his money and give him his new total. He swipes his card and the machine asks him if he wants cash back.)

Customer: “Oh, yes, I DO want cash back!”

(He gets $20 in cash back. I look at the $40 in my hand and slowly hand one of his 20′s back to him.)

Customer: *has a moment of clarity* “Hm, that didn’t make much sense, did it?”

Me: “No, sir, not really.”

(He leaves with his head down in shame, clutching a $20 bill.)

(My father is a dentist, and he is known among his dentist friends for having insane patients. This one really takes the cake, though.)

Dental Office: “Good morning, this is Dr. [name]‘s office. How may I help
you?”

Patient: “Yes, it’s [name]. I’d like to cancel my appointment for today.”

Dental Office: “I’m sorry to hear that. May I ask why you’re canceling?”

Patient: “I have this awful toothache!”