Working with a client who claims to be a model.
Me: What size would you like for your headshots, 5x7, or 8x10?
Client: Which one is bigger?
April 30, 2012
#getpaidnotplayed
Client: Of course I’m not going to pay you. We ended up designing the space ourselves.
Me: But didn’t you use all of the ideas and plans I wrote for you?
Client: Yeah, sure – for reference.
Me: So then I designed the space.
Client: Well actually, we talked to the contractor over the phone. I’m not sure where you think you fit into this arrangement.
Me: What did the contractor work off of?
Client: Some reference materials we contracted.
con·tract/ˈkäntrakt/: a written or spoken agreement, esp. once concerning employment, sales, or tenancy, that is intended to be enforceable by law
Help clients understand by adding what you’re owed to the World’s Longest Invoice. Support the movement to get freelancers paid, not played! #getpaidnotplayed
April 29, 2012
#getpaidnotplayed
Client: I can’t pay you.
Me: Why?
Client: Because my client hasn’t paid me.
Me: I can see how that could be frustrating.
What are you owed? Bill deadbeats everywhere and join the World’s Largest Invoice to help freelancers #getpaidnotplayed.
Client hands in his “Print Ready” artwork on a thumb drive. It was a powerpoint document that was in no way “Print Ready.” When I told him this, he replied
Client: What do you mean? It is print ready. See, open the document.
I open the document.
Client: Now go to File. Then Print. Moron.
Email from client:
Client: Please can you print the attached Poster
Nothing attached
Second email from client.
Client: lol It would help if I attached it!
Nothing attached
April 28, 2012
After a 40 minute in depth presentation entitled “Pay Per Click Activity.”
Me: …and that’s all the pay per click activity we have run this month.
Client: Looks great. But how do we get paid?
Me: It’s pay per click.
Client: As in…
Me: We get paid per click.
Client: I’m not getting it.
#getpaidnotplayed
Client: Here’s that $3,000 we owed you.
Me: Thanks! But where’s the rest?
Client: Well, we were talking about it, and we think the quoted price in the contract is a bit more than we’re willing to pay.
Me: But…
Client: We’re paying you in cash off the books. That means no taxes! Don’t you hate it when you work hard for money and the government keeps it from you? We’re doing you a favour!
Add what you’re owed to the World’s Largest Invoice and help freelancers #getpaidnotplayed.
"The design’s great, but we have a racially diverse customer base. Please add more bright colors, colored people love colors."
April 27, 2012
One of us! One of us!
I needed to get a hold of a client’s IT department to check on some compatibility issues.
Client: IT… IT… I don’t know who’s in IT. We have a bunch’a Indians running around here sometimes, I’ll grab you one of those. Just let me look in the directory here and find an Indian sounding name… Raji. That sounds good. I’ll send you over to Raji. I know he’s not in sales, because he couldn’t sell his left nut to save his life… so he’s probably in IT. Besides, he’s Indian, they own the tech sector so I’m sure he can help you regardless of his position here. I’ll transfer you now.
And hey, thanks for being one of us.
