A big thanks to the Freelancers Union for sponsoring over a week of extra posts. Check out the Tumblr for the World’s Largest Invoice, follow Sara Horowitz on Twitter, and remember to #getpaidnotplayed.
May 04, 2012
I accidentally sent my client two identical attachments.
From: Client
We’re going with the top ad, please lighten the photo (same as the one below) and email only the top ad to ASAP.
I’m leaving to an offsite, I will follow-up this afternoon, thanks!
To: Client
From: Client’s Partner
Definitely the top one, slogan really stands out. Only concern is photo in bottom one is lighter and would be better in paper.
"Why does he look so angry? Can you make him look passive aggressive instead?"
— Referring to a 3D rendering of a bull
May 03, 2012
"I’m just in charge of the project and coordinating with contractors. Technically, you’re supervised by – uh, well, I can’t remember how to say his name, I’ll email it to you. This is an operational project that’s classified as an initiative for a satellite branch of our company. It’s called… actually, I’m not sure, I can’t read Chinese. Anyways, you have to bill that guy – at least, I think it’s a guy – and his branch of that company."
— #getpaidnotplayed.
"I don’t think our system can cope with HTML, could you send the link to us in a different form?"
May 02, 2012
Client: I can’t open your document…
Me: Do you have Adobe Reader? You need it to read PDF documents.
Client: PDF…? How do you spell that?
#getpaidnotplayed
Client: Just wanted to tell you again we loved your work - the cupcake marketing plan is brilliant. We don’t know how to thank you.
Me: I’m so glad. No thanks necessary – I’ll settle for the project fee we agreed on.
Client: Oh no, I’m afraid we don’t really have the money for that. Is there some other way we can repay you? Free cupcakes for life?
Me: I’m diabetic.
There’s nothing sweet about getting stiffed. Tell deadbeat clients to stick it in their cakehole and add what you’re owed to the World’s Largest Invoice to help freelancers #getpaidnotplayed.
Me: I have that sample of the linen paper you wanted. Do you want to come by and pick it up or should I mail it to you?
Client: Just fax it to me.
I had to explain to the client why I couldn’t fax a textile sample.
Client: We need this done right now.
Me: So does that mean you’re sending the assets and copy changes I need to make the changes right now?
Client: No!
Me: So should I wait until you do?
Client: No, I need this pamphlet finished right now.
Me: So there aren’t copy changes and new images to include?
Client: There are…
Me: But you’re not sending those right now?
Client: No, we’re not.
Me: So you want me to send the previous version?
Client: No, we want the new version with the copy changes and new images.
Me: I think you and I aren’t understanding each other.
Client: What do you mean?
May 01, 2012
Client: I like your work so far, but the picture of my product should be bigger.
Me: But it’s already taking up most of the space and the text is being squeezed in a tiny space.
Client: Who cares about text? Nobody reads the text, the picture is the important part. Make it twice as wide and twice as high.
Me: That’s not possible. The picture would be about 30” wide and this poster is 18x24”.
Client: Your point being?
Me: I can’t make the picture twice as big, all of it it wouldn’t fit in the poster.
Client: Nonsense. Just center the image really carefully.
