A big thanks to the Freelancers Union for sponsoring over a week of extra posts. Check out the Tumblr for the World’s Largest Invoice, follow Sara Horowitz on Twitter, and remember to #getpaidnotplayed.
I accidentally sent my client two identical attachments.
From: Client
We’re going with the top ad, please lighten the photo (same as the one below) and email only the top ad to ASAP.
I’m leaving to an offsite, I will follow-up this afternoon, thanks!
To: Client
From: Client’s Partner
Definitely the top one, slogan really stands out. Only concern is photo in bottom one is lighter and would be better in paper.
— Referring to a 3D rendering of a bull
— #getpaidnotplayed.
Client: I can’t open your document…
Me: Do you have Adobe Reader? You need it to read PDF documents.
Client: PDF…? How do you spell that?
#getpaidnotplayed
Client: Just wanted to tell you again we loved your work - the cupcake marketing plan is brilliant. We don’t know how to thank you.
Me: I’m so glad. No thanks necessary – I’ll settle for the project fee we agreed on.
Client: Oh no, I’m afraid we don’t really have the money for that. Is there some other way we can repay you? Free cupcakes for life?
Me: I’m diabetic.
There’s nothing sweet about getting stiffed. Tell deadbeat clients to stick it in their cakehole and add what you’re owed to the World’s Largest Invoice to help freelancers #getpaidnotplayed.
Me: I have that sample of the linen paper you wanted. Do you want to come by and pick it up or should I mail it to you?
Client: Just fax it to me.
I had to explain to the client why I couldn’t fax a textile sample.
Client: We need this done right now.
Me: So does that mean you’re sending the assets and copy changes I need to make the changes right now?
Client: No!
Me: So should I wait until you do?
Client: No, I need this pamphlet finished right now.
Me: So there aren’t copy changes and new images to include?
Client: There are…
Me: But you’re not sending those right now?
Client: No, we’re not.
Me: So you want me to send the previous version?
Client: No, we want the new version with the copy changes and new images.
Me: I think you and I aren’t understanding each other.
Client: What do you mean?
Client: I like your work so far, but the picture of my product should be bigger.
Me: But it’s already taking up most of the space and the text is being squeezed in a tiny space.
Client: Who cares about text? Nobody reads the text, the picture is the important part. Make it twice as wide and twice as high.
Me: That’s not possible. The picture would be about 30” wide and this poster is 18x24”.
Client: Your point being?
Me: I can’t make the picture twice as big, all of it it wouldn’t fit in the poster.
Client: Nonsense. Just center the image really carefully.