Going for Broke

So, who ya got: Packers or Steelers? If I had a dollar for every time I’ve been asked that question in the two weeks leading up to Super Bowl XLV, I’d have, well … about $17 (OK, $18 if you count my senile uncle asking me twice). The point is, people are seeking my opinion, and not just because they want to go in the opposite direction (although I’m sure that’s part of it, seeing that this column debuted one year ago with me issuing Super Bowl selections on the Colts and Colts-Saints “over” the total, both of which missed the mark as badly as a Tim Tebow 10-yard sideline throw). All kidding aside, “Packers or Steelers?” has surpassed “fake or real?” as man’s most hotly debated question—at least for a couple of weeks—because this truly is a toss-up game, one of the most difficult Super Bowls in recent memory to handicap.

Michael Vick? Gone. Drew Brees? Gone. Tom Brady and Peyton Manning? Gone and gone.

Mark Sanchez and Jay Cutler? One win away from the Super Bowl.

Somebody please wake me up from this nightmare before something really scary happens—like Steven Tyler showing up on my TV as a judge for a karaoke contest. (What? That’s real, too? Oh, come on!)

I was asked on New Year’s Eve if I planned to make any resolutions for 2011. Answer? Not a chance. I disappoint enough people over the course of 12 months; why would I want to disappoint myself, too?

But that doesn’t mean I’m against suggesting resolutions for others. So without further ado, some unsolicited suggestions for the following:

Remember when a college bowl game was a reward for a successful season? And remember when a successful season was defined as a record that featured at least twice as many wins as losses? Well, those days—much like daily newspapers, the sport of boxing and my 34-inch waist—are long gone.